He Liked His Beer, He Liked His Pot and He Liked His Acid

He liked his beer, he liked his pot and he liked his acid. “Oh, hell yeah, are you kidding, in my college days, I absolutely enjoyed acid,” he says. “I was a trippy guy already, and roaming around the universe of your brain at light speed – that’s a lot of fun. But ultimately I don’t think it’s very creative, because it’s not like you can create while you’re tripping. You can’t do shit.”
James Cameron
Rolling Stone Magazine
December 2009
Profile by Erik Hedegaard

So now we know... the director of the highest grossing movie of all time (Titanic) tripped on acid in his college years, per Rolling Stone. Who'd a thunk it? Of course, most kids were tripping on acid those days. The article also stated he "...has never shot a Hollywood movie that did not make money, spending more than $500 million in the process but returning a gross of $3 billion...." Wow, pretty good for a geeky acidhead.

I don't know about you folks, but I'm really looking forward to seeing Avatar, sans acid, of course - I'll just have to settle for 3-D. Usually a PG-13 rating is a turnoff for me (I prefer a strong R rating), but I'll give this one a chance just to see the new innovations and to see what $230 million dollars can do.

The article in Rolling Stone also mentions that while filming The Abyss, Cameron "...ran his production in such a way that Ed Harris burst into tears," and that "On one shoot, crew members wore T-shirts that said YOU EITHER SHOOT IT MY WAY OR YOU DO ANOTHER FUCKING MOVIE."

There is an old saying, "In order to make an omelette, you have to break some eggs." It sounds like if you work for James Cameron, you better bring your A-game, and have very thick skin.

The profile on James Cameron in this month's Rolling Stone is a good one. I recommend it. Rolling Stone is a great magazine, and revered text in my household.

Poets and Madmen: Filmmaker Quotes I Can Relate To

Making a movie can be a daunting task, even if you have a lot of money; something I've always had very little of when making my movies. I've been lucky to even have a few grips to help me tote the equipment from the grip truck, or more often the trunk of my car. I couldn't imagine making a movie and actually having the luxury of even a crew! For me, it's always been lean and mean, on the cheap, with plenty of people sniggering from the sidelines. Each time I tell myself the next one will be better and easier. Better? Maybe... easier... I doubt it.

Which brings me to the quotes by filmmakers I have gleaned from various publications. I've ran across some clever statements by movie makers. Some are quite amusing, others are very inspiring. The following are some I just put together on the spur of the moment. I hope you enjoy them as much as I have.

"I've always used a sporting analogy to describe [making movies]. You're a runner and you're just about to run the big race, and they come in and beat the fucking shit out of you and then they say, 'Okay, go win the race.' You get the shit beat out of you right before you're supposed to go perform your best. And it happens most of the time. 'We have our bets on you, never mind we just broke your fucking legs.' But it wouldn't be making a movie if it were easy. It should be a struggle. Otherwise, you're coasting."
Tim Burton, Director
Esquire Magazine, January 2008

“Tell your friend he’s getting fucked in the ass, and if he would stop squirming it wouldn’t hurt so much.”
James Cameron
(A message he once told a Fox producer to deliver to an executive at the studio)
New Yorker Magazine
October 2009

“I want you to know one thing—once we embark on this adventure and I start to make this movie, the only way you’ll be able to stop me is to kill me.”
James Cameron
(to Leonard Goldberg, then the president of Fox, on the movie, The Abyss)
New Yorker Magazine
October 2009

The worst thing that can happen to a filmmaker is to have doubt. Filmmakers need to feel the wind behind them. You have to be a pirate ship captain. Filmmaking is like hitting different ports. We don’t belong to any flag. And you need confidence to do that.
Oliver Stone
Movieline Magazine
Interview by Lawrence Grobel
November 1997

Loglines, Snickers Bars & Insomnia

Wow, what am I doing up at 12:51 AM on a Monday morning? Thinking about movies and munchies. I just raided my emergency backpack with three days worth of survival supplies and hobo gear stuffed inside. I've almost eaten a 11.50 oz. bag of mini-Snickers bars by myself! I have no shame! (Yes, didn't you know... Snickers candy bars are survival food.) Oh well, I needed to cycle the food anyway, and I don't expect the apocalypse to happen anytime soon. So, how about some loglines? Some synopses? Just don't steal my chit, man!

Joey & Jeffie - A romantic crime drama based on the life of NY mobster Joey (Crazy Joe) Gallo, as seen through the eyes of his Creole, showgirl wife, Jeffie Lee. Adapted from the biography, Joey, by former NY Times editor, Donald Goddard.

Having My Baby - An action drama about a fundamentalist Christian who kidnaps an agnostic law student from the abortion clinic parking lot and takes her to the mountains to force her to have his baby as they are pursued by the FBI and National Guard. (Film premiered August 2009 in Dallas. See www.havingmybabymovie.com.)

Blood is Thicker - An action drama about a young man who inherits some land in a small Texas town that is being terrorized by a corrupt sheriff and drug dealing white supremacists.

Dead or in Huntsville - A biker soap opera about an ex-biker who marries a yuppie and tries to go straight. His plans go astray when an old biker buddy shows up needing a place to crash. (Days of Our Lives meets Hell’s Angels on Wheels.)

Junkyard Dog - A near future, science fiction, noirish story about a baby that is abandoned in a Los Angeles junkyard by illegal immigrants and is raised by urban coyotes. The baby grows up to become a vigilante crime fighter with a souped-up hybrid car, who is bent on rubbing out all the Los Angeles criminals and corrupt politicians.

Hillbilly Karma - Hillbillies and hallucinogens, rednecks and raunch... a young aspiring writer in rural Texas tries to escape the birth/death wheel of samsara and the karma of his family dysfunction.

Warboots - A young poet finds himself sharing living quarters with a Vietnam veteran with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and a paranoid schizophrenic rock and roll guitarist who thinks he lives on Mars.

That's it... I've got more where that came from. Oodles and oodles of story concepts and loglines. Brimming with ideas. Jonesing to write another script. Chomping at the bit... reeling out cliches like a hack writer on nose candy. Nothing can stop me now! Yawn....

Don't Shoot Me, I'm Only the Movie Producer

I have a story concept for an over-the-top exploitation film. I have a friend with around 300 acres in the boonies of Parker County, Texas I could film on. I was going to have my art director build a small village with grass huts, etc., and have a bunch of topless Mexican chicks in grass skirts and a bunch of Mexican vatos in loin clothes portraying cannibalistic natives.

The story line is a film crew arrives in the jungles of a fictional South American country to begin filming a soft-core porno movie in the jungles. They get lost in the jungle and attacked by a cannibalistic tribe and have to outwit them and escape from them. The movie will have lots of bullets and lots of babes. The director is a dictatorial asshole. The female star is a preening primadonna. The male star is a handsome, ex-Marine who drinks a fifth of vodka a day and is going to seed. The production assistant is an innocent farm girl from Kansas. The star's bodyguard is a bone-crunching, karate slinging bull dyke to die for. Throw in some missing shipments of gold, some drug lords, federales, rebel armies, rich gringos from Hollywood hiring ninjas dropping out of trees.

Shoot it all guerrilla style, with digital equipment, natural lights, limited makeup, baloney sandwiches and daily stipends and/or points, all pp shot within a two week period with one day off in between. Balls to the wall, seat of the pants, do or die, fuck all, shoestring budget.

Any takers?

[I got the idea for this after watching the 70's German independent film, Man From Deep River.]

"Elvi, I Was Only Kidding! Fly, Pelican!"

Scarface... helluva movie. "First you get the power, then you get the chicks." The immortal words of Tony Montana, as penned by the Dilligaf revered screenwriter and filmmaker, Oliver Stone. He wrote the screenplay in Paris while kicking a cocaine addiction. Oliver Stone is one cool dude... my favorite filmmaker of all time. [David Lynch is a close second. "We hunt buffalo now, Reggie! Remember the number 10!"]

Trying to raise money to shoot a remake of Man From Deep River, a German-made indie from the Seventies. That might be more practical than the biker flick, Dead or in Huntsville, since I'm living in the boonies now instead of the big city of Dallas. I have access to a lot of acres for exterior shots. Dead or in Huntsville seems to be jinxed, anyway. It's a long story.

Going to try to make it happen on the cheap again. Going to have to pool resources and combine talents with some heavy hitters to pull this rabbit out of a hat. Gonna write a killer script, though. Could be a lot of fun. Writing the script is the fun part. May have to come up with a proposal or private placement memorandum (PPM) to raise the money. Or save some money from my "job" in the "real world." Oh, I forgot, I'm unemployed again. I swore I'd never make another movie without the money first. In the words of Blaine Carson, "Dad gummit!"

I could even get rubbed out by the Mob. I own the screen rights to the definitive biography of Crazy Joe. I adapted a screenplay from the biography, Joey, by Donald Goddard, when I conceived and produced 3 Violent Plays with Thin Dime Theater Company in 1996. What if the Mob doesn't like it? What if I got it wrong? What if Joey Gallo's side lost the gang war and the winners of that gang war don't appreciate my version of the Crazy Joe story? Maybe I shouldn't even call him Crazy Joe... he hated that name. Nobody ever called him that to his face. (He was also known as Joey the Blond. He was shot down in Umberto's Clam House in NYC in 1971 on his 43rd birthday.)

My asking price for my script Joey & Jeffie is one million dollars... what if the Mob wants a cut? What if they send some Pauly Walnuts kinda guy to jack me up? Maybe he'll just stab me in the leg with an ice pick if I'm lucky? Holy shit, what have I done? What wicked webs we weave. Maybe I should give up this movie business and become a florist. Nah.

Back in the Saddle

I've been trying to get back into the groove to write more about Dilligaf Productions. I've been very busy moving Movie Central to our new location in Springtown, Texas, now known as Movie Central West. We all hated to see our location change due to monetary problems.

Our last location in Dallas was where it all happened... the bunkhouse, the beer binges, the steel balls, the shouted obscenities, the loose women, the working girls, the 99 cent frozen pizzas, the 3 for a dollar frozen burritos, the Bugler brand, hand-rolled cigarettes, the all-nighters, Mako shoveling coal in the engine room, the unmentionables, and the the 700 movie DVD and VHS archives to choose from when anyone cared to watch a movie instead of make, film or edit one... they will all be missed!

Now it's onward, wagons ho and don't look back. Coming soon... the biker flick, Dead or in Huntsville! More to come!

Dispatch from Les #6 - What a Long, Strange Trip It's Been

We're back! We're back, we're bad, we're in business. We have an excellent new trailer maestro David Dixon has put together. We have our fledgling new website, thanks to actor, star and computer guru, Stephen Brodie, and we're doing an AV test very soon on the big screen, thanks to executive producer and head honcho, Samuel H. Roden, III.

I'm putting together a press kit and soon to be released press release to inform the public and elucidate the masses concerning our little indie Texas gem, Having My Baby, and will hopefully, after four years of persistence, have our premiere in July: "If the 'Lord' is willing and the creek don't rise." Yes, our little action drama, soap opera, tear jerker of a movie has arrived. I know that after four years since preproduction (August 2005) and three years since beginning principal photography (September 2006) that some of you are like... yawn. What movie...? GTFOOH. Life moves on....

But we're back! Dilligaf Productions is back! We come back like a ghost in a dream that you can't shake. We're like that bad penny that keeps showing up on your doorstep. We're like the house guest that won't leave. We must be the center of attention! We demand it! Get hip, people!

I'm "betting the farm" that interest will pick up as more and more people see our little $80,000 wonder. The famous French filmmaker, Jean Luc Godard famously said, "All you need to make a movie is a girl and a gun." Just remember, at the end of the day, when all is said and done, that Having My Baby is just a love story about two people named Blaine and Sophie; nothing more, and nothing less. A girl... a gun... a Bible... and a baby.

Blaine and Sophie in the Woods

Blaine and Sophie trudge through the woods in a scene from Having My Baby from Dilligaf Productions.

Dispatch from Les #4 - Do You Want Some Cheese With That Whine?

I'm not complaining, folks. I set myself up for the struggle. I wanted this punishment. I don't want this blog to sound bitter. I'm excited! I feel like the coolest mofo in town. I just don't want to count my chickens before they cross the road, if you know what I mean. (You know why the chicken crossed the road, don't you? To see a man lay bricks.)

One great bit of fortune here at Dilligaf Productions is that we got so lucky casting Having My Baby. There are a lot of talented actors working and auditioning in Dallas, and we were lucky to get so many. Such kind, gracious, wonderful people. Beautiful people. I am deeply indebted to and very proud of all the actors involved in making Having My Baby a reality.

To those of you who got there late for the pizza, I'm sorry. To the actor left bleeding in the creek without a Band-Aid, I'm sorry. To the dear friend with the twisted ankle, I'm sorry. To the set designer with the hijacked back yard, I'm sorry. To all the numerous people who got poison ivy, I'm sorry. To the actor who had to blow into a breathalyzer to operate the vehicle as she drove and said her lines, because that was the only car we could get for that scene, I'm sorry. To the actor who got anthrax in the mail, I'm sorry. (Just kidding.) And to the actor who was persecuted by The Man, I'm sorry. To all the actors who tired of chips and sandwiches (and Wheat Thins, granola bars, cheese sticks and Fruit Rollups), I'm so very sorry.

To the actors who worked for points... thank you. Don't count them out yet in this economy. I just know we're going to be a big hit in Borneo. To the actors who worked for money... thank you. You were worth every penny and more. I'm just sorry I didn't have more. And to those of you who felt cheated, I'm sorry. And to those of you who donated your time, your resources and your money, a great big thank you. You shall forever be in the pantheon of the people I hold dear. And to my evanescent crew of misfits (a term of endearment to me), I thank you. You too shall get credit when the credits roll.

At the risk of sounding megalomaniacal, I really think we have accomplished something huge in the annals of low-budget indies. Our chances of a cult favorite are a million to one, but I'll gladly take those odds. Better odds than the lottery, mon ami. One thing that can be said of Having My Baby, is that the script has universal appeal. The logline can be understood in any language. Yes, even in the jungles of Borneo, they would understand the storyline of Having My Baby. You think I jest.

New York Times movie critic Matt Zoller Seitz called Having My Baby "a classic" after reading the spec script. Having My Baby poured out of me over a few weekends, as if my muse had turned on a faucet. When I passed around the spec script to an assortment of people, most women who had read it told me it made them cry. When big, burly, scarred roughnecks read it and said they got choked up, I knew I had something. I'm talking about guys who can crack a walnut in the fold of their arm, crying like babies. Guys big enough to eat apples off your head, fighting tears. And Having My Baby never slows down long enough for you to get bored. You won't even have time to notice that tripod leg in the frame. (Just kidding!)

A weird twist of fate has willed this movie into being, like memes taking over time and space and nourishing an anemic little movie into an organic dreamscape worthy of the movie gods. Egads, I sound a bit full of myself as I mix my metaphors. No Hegelian dialectics here, friend, just pure poetry of a movie; beautiful actors, beautiful Texas exteriors, southern style, abortion agonized, religion tinged, testosterone and pheremone fueled, action drama, baby! Get the popcorn ready, Mabel.

Dispatch from Les #3: Guerrilla Filmmaking, or, Flying By the Seat of My Pants

It is not illegal, it is not unethical, but it is rude, insinuating yourself into a pubic setting with a few actors and a cameraman. Stealing a shot. Tell the waiter it’s a home movie. Have the actor look into the camera and say, “Hi, Grandma!” as you order your meals. Do what you have to do, but get the shot. Just don’t let the owner or his lawyer know about it. Insurance, don’t you know. Get the shot, then let them run you off. How much embarrassment can you endure to make your film? How badly do you want it?

Guerrilla filmmaking is easier in Texas, and particularly in Dallas, where one doesn’t need a permit to film. That’s right, folks, unless the law has changed in the last ten years since I researched it. As long as you don’t obstruct traffic or disturb the peace, you may film away, my friend, until someone runs you off, or until you get the shot (or get shot). Yes, I know, it’s bold, it’s rude, it’s careless, and it’s idiotic. How badly do you want it?

I let everyone on my films know from the get go that a lot of the filming will be “guerrilla filmmaking,” and “we might run out of money on day ten of shooting.” Those are my exact words when recruiting a production team for a film, or soliciting an actor. Can you believe in a project that much, knowing that all could be for naught if you run out of money midway? That you might actually fail? That you’re actually meant to fail, because you are attempting an impossible feat? And we’re not talking about a short film… we’re talking about an original, feature-length, action-drama, soap operatic, ultra, ultra, microscopically low budgeted independent film shot on mini-DV and edited at home on a personal computer. Some people can’t understand that concept… you’re going to do what? Shoot a feature-length, action drama with no budget to speak of? $25,000? Ha! “Ain’t gonna happen, homeboy,” they’ll tell you…. Watch me! Watch my smoke! How badly do you want it?

I ask people to work for points, which I guess these days is a rather desperate, rude and presumptive method of making a movie, a definite faux pas. I had an actor tell me recently, “The days of working for points are over, Les.” I had a lawyer tell me once, “People with no money shouldn’t make movies,” as he lead me out of his office, in a poor display of hiding his disgust. Can you handle it? How badly do you want to make that low-budget film?

As a producer, I once had a director and a 2nd DP refuse to work on day three of shooting, go behind my back telling tales to my executive producer, and force me to cut another deal, and take financial control of my movie. They stole control of my movie right out from under me! They said I “wasn’t prepared” and I was “intimidating.” The day they said I wasn’t prepared, I got them onto Love Field without a permit or security clearance of any kind, I got them a stretch limousine, and access to an airplane hangar and a Lear Jet. They were two hours late that day and it took them three hours to start shooting. I was waiting for five hours! And all they had to shoot was a couple exiting a Lear Jet and a half a page of dialogue! David and Phil could have shot it in 30 minutes, and I could have GTFO and had extra time to prepare for the rest of the day’s filming at the next location where I was desperately needed. This same director and 2nd DP had some kind of magical jib that was going to supposedly make up for their inadequacies and lack of talent. Five hours I was waiting! Oh, and my other great sin as line producer was that I didn’t have a pair of binoculars for a particular scene. I don’t know about you, but if I don’t have a prop that I’m supposed to have, and I’m directing a movie, I’m going to call the line producer and say, “Hey, numb nuts, where’s the @#%&*% binoculars?” I’m not going to take over the producer's movie. But of course, they thought they were saving my movie from my arrogant, hillbilly self. The only positive thing to come out of that experience, was that they got the shot. (Or some of the shots, anyway, half-assed as they might be.) How badly do you want it?

Some people, actors and crew, begin to think the movie is about them instead of the characters. One of the hazards of guerrilla filmmaking: hiring the occasional non-professional (on a non-professional movie, of course), wannabes and amateurs. Some think, “Woo-hoo, I’m in a movie!” or, “I’m working on a movie!” They begin to think that they are the center of the maelstrom that is independent moviemaking. They begin to think that they are the “bee’s nut,” as Hunter S. Thompson would say. They begin to think the movie is about them and their personal life!

Whenever one says, “I’m making a movie,” those are magical words. People’s ears prick up. All of a sudden you become someone important, someone special, a cut above the rest. It has an effect on people. Then the first few days of shooting, you’re all one big, happy family and everyone is so excited… until, say for instance, the actor falls in love with the actress and they begin fighting, or the script supervisor runs off with the DP, or the grip refuses to work with the director, or the prima donna refuses to say the line correctly, because “it’s stupid”…. Welcome to the low-budget producer’s nightmare. Then all of a sudden new priorities other than the movie begin to become manifest, and your movie takes a backseat to bickering, fighting, hurt feelings, miscommunications, vindictiveness, vendettas, musical bed hopping and general disorder. How badly do you want it?

Or the sycophant who wants you to produce his movie, shoot his movie, cast his movie, use your equipment for his movie, because, if a hillbilly like you can do it, why, obviously anyone can! And of course his script is just the greatest thing and is going to set the screenwriter’s world on fire! And of course, you must do it now! He just needs to be discovered, and you’re his ticket to fame! And if your actions don’t live up to his presumed omnipotence and rise to glory, then look out! You better watch your back, my friend, as you shuffle home beaten and exhausted to your baloney sandwich and your Ramen noodles. (As Colonel Trautman said of Rambo's survival skills: “He can eat things that would make a billy goat puke.”) And then sometime around midnight, when you’re so tired your knuckles are dragging the ground, you take the time to charge the camera batteries, unload and take inventory of your props and equipment, and then take all of your change you’ve been collecting in the coffee can in your closet for months to redeem at a Coinstar, so you’ll have production funds for the next day’s shoot that starts at 9 AM, knowing you’ll really need that money for gas and lunch Monday when you go back to your job in the real world. How badly do you want it?

Quentin Tarantino once said, “He with the most point of view, wins.” How much point of view do you have? How much do you believe in yourself and your perceptions of reality? Webster’s defines reality as, “That which exists independent of perception.” How much of your talent is reality, and how much is pure, subjective, solipsistic ego? How much do you believe in your own talent? Just how driven are you to create your art? Just how many push-ups can you do? Just how badly do you want it?

You Would Have To Be Here

Today I have been working on the color correction of Having My Baby. I can't wait for everyone to finally see it. You have no idea how polished and pristine it is turning out. The video clips are far from an indication of what it looks like. 

We can't lie, there were some amateurish looking frames but thanks to Apple the visual experience of watching this film will blow your mind. You actors who have suffered through watching 3rd gen copies of your scenes on Les's old small TV are going to lose control of bodily functions when you see how good this looks. Hurray for me!!!

Les' First Hate Mail

Les,

I just want you to know that because you changed your mind the day before the shoot, leaving me no time to get another camera, my film is now dead. My villain is out of town until September, and my protagonist is not available after August, and won't let me replace the villain. So, even if I buy/rent another one now, it won't do me any good because I've lost my two most important actors. And it's your fault.

And why? Because I protested the fact that you were being simply unreasonable, and reminded you that your attitude wasn't as justified as it seemed to you because I've given so much to your projects in the past. Sure, you were doing me a favor; but it's not like I've never done you one, so it doesn't give you the right to be an asshole. But you don't care about things like that, do you? No, of course not, because you're a low person, lacking in character, who's never going to amount to shit. Deep down you know it's true, don't you? Sure you do. Ingratitude is an ugly quality, Les, and you possess it in abundance.

You may now add me to the long list of people who despise you. And if I ever get the chance to get you back for this, I will; and without remorse. Life is long, Les; and I'm going to go farther in this industy than you, not only because I'm far more talented, but also because I'm willing to move to L.A. and I'm not a paranoid, mentally unstable, disloyal...person like you. I will probably get my chance, eventually, and you'll remember this, then. Personally, I can't wait to teach you a lesson.

[August 2008, Name Withheld]